Everything I Know is Wrong

I am not happy with all the turmoil in celebrity lives lately. It’s shaking my foundation and taking up too much space on my twitter feed. Some things are not a surprise. Katy Perry and Russell Brand were not likely to last an eternity. But Heidi and Seal? I thought they were forever.

Demi and Ashton seemed like a crazy couple but then we got used to it. Bruce Willis was accepting and we could all just relax. Years went by. Out of nowhere…WHAM! Done. And now she apparently has a drug problem, too.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are another couple that seemed so secure, we could count on them always being there. There hasn’t been a formal announcement that they are splitting up, but it’s coming. Fourteen years and two kids. Countless pirate movies. Johnny’s weird moustache. They’ve been through so much.

Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard were together for like 30 years. Did they end because of how creepy American Horror Story is? Did they see Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins break up after so long and think, I likes what I sees?

It’s too much bad news all at once. Plus, the Kardashians are always in the news. So…yeah. That’s enough. I’m openly asking Hollywood to stop this nonsense. Work it out. For heaven’s sake, it’s Oscar season.